Its silly, but I feel like i’m grieving over lack of work. I’ve been flat out the past few weeks that when I only have one shift a week it feels weird.
My safety net has been pulled out. I feel like i’m lost. I worked the 7am-10am shared care shift this morning. And I felt weird. The hierarchy was preached to me once again by my manager. Its Permanent Staff then Casuals then agencies. If we need you we will message you. Then its a fight to get a shift through text message.
Its like all my work during the Christmas period does not matter. I’m just a casual. What I offer is not valued. This does not make me feel good about myself. Especially when I hear the manager praising new staff saying “Lets get her a shift.”
I’m sitting there thinking “Hey what about me? You know the casual you hired in March and is still here?”
When I went home I cried. Then I watched episodes of Gossip Girl. Then I walked the dog. Bumped into a old mate and had a whinge.
You know those epic whinges. Why do they not want me? Why am I not valued? Do they not like me? Then it turned to “Oh there just poop heads” Yep when I get angry I get crazy!
My friend said its sad but with the type of work I do its normal. There is a hierarchy and if you don’t abide by it, your thrown out. Its sad the number one resource should be staff. But if your casual your treated like a number.
I know i’ll get over this. My big fear is if I have to dip into what i’ve saved to go to America to live. But I think i’ll be ok. I’ll grieve but then i’ll get back on my feet.
The disability job came my way for a reason. Its served its purpose. Now I have to learn to move on. I have so much to share and I need to pave another path. The way is forward. I care and that is all that matters.
Quote of the day: No matter what you path is yours. Devote every moment of your life to improving your dreams. Love your world. Cherish the good you do. Let go of hatred. Dream of love.